There's something about family ties. Family should love you unconditionally. Yeah I understand if you are worried about your child, but is it worth it to make them feel worthless, that they are a screwup and that they would be better off dead? Is this real, unconditional love?
I know that the circuit overseer was visiting my congregation last week. I know from things my mom and stepdad said. If you are unfamiliar with what a circuit overseer is, they are charged with looking over a selected group of congregations all combined to form a circuit. Several circuits together are called a district. Likewise, there is a district overseer.
The circuit overseer's (CO) job is to keep things in order. They are supposed to shepherd over the congregation. It's funny how these people are treated like celebrities in the congregation. Everyone jumps at the chance to kiss the CO's butt. Many of them are high and mighty, lacking humility. It's the opposite of what a shepherd should be but that's a subject for another day.
So the CO was in town last week and the elders in my congregation decided they would have him try to visit with me. I don't know what they want with me. I've told them my position is unflinching. I guess they want to bring in the big guns hoping maybe I'll see the "light". The last thing I want to do on my Saturday morning off of work is deal with my ideals being berated. I'm happy enough to live and let live. You feel free to believe what you want, I'll believe what I want. I don't want to go after them in a vindictive fashion. I don't want to change them. I just want to live my life, in peace without dealing with the lack of love that comes with the choices I've made. Is that really a lot to ask?
So our head elder (they were called the presiding overseer, but are now known as the coordinator of the body of elders. Why they needed to change that, I don't know.) called me up. His call had woken me up early Saturday morning so I was not really in the mood to answer the phone. About an hour goes by and I hear the door bell ring. I know who it was. My family wasn't home to answer the door, thank goodness. Then they knock really loud for the next 5 minutes. They know I'm home but I am not coming to the door. I was just not in the mood to deal with that.
So when my mom goes to the meeting the next day and comes back, she had found out that I didn't answer the door. She lays into me about how these people are trying to help me and that I should accept their help and not ignore them or push them away. She was pretty upset with me. I tried telling her how I was feeling at the time but she didn't care. Why should my feelings matter on this issue anyway?
A couple days go by and I decide to share an article with her. I knew that if I share the article and my opinion on it and she talks to the elders about it, they will use this as showing that I am a dangerous apostate influence, trying to sway her faith. That wasn't what I was trying to do. I was just trying to get her to look at it from my point of view, unhindered by the JW goggles. When you are involved in a cult, it's almost an impossible thing to do. You would do anything to ignore even the obvious truths about your group. Here's what the article says:
"Although the Bible makes a clear distinction between true and false teachings, God allows each person the freedom to choose how he or she will respond. No one should be forced to worship in a way that he finds unacceptable or be made to choose between his beliefs and his family." (Awake, July 2009, page 29 "Is It Wrong to Change Your Religion?")
I thought maybe this would touch her in a way that would make her see from a logical standpoint, that the shunning is not something that should be done. In all reality, I'm being punished for a choice I made at the tender age of 12 years old. How can you expect someone to comprehend that kind of a life-altering decision at that age? You can't. It's unreasonable.
Her response was less than kind. To quote her, "Nobody is forcing you to make that decision. Nobody but you." She doesn't seem to understand that by having my choice be to lose a good relationship with her, to believing what I believe is right, is tantamount to being forced to choose between my family and beliefs. I just don't understand how she can't see it.
I have discovered that there is a possibility I may not be disfellowshipped. It's a small possibility but I realize the mistake I made in telling this to her. If she tells the elders about this conversation, it's almost guaranteed I will be. This has certainly been an wild and painful chapter of my life. I don't wish this on anybody.
No comments:
Post a Comment