So... How's It Going?

To put it bluntly, not well.  It's been a constant battle back and forth.  Essentially, I need to move out.  I can't deal with the constant arguments and harassment that's occurring on a daily basis.  Unfortunately, that won't be until the beginning of the next year. 

I understand these people are "concerned" but they are taking it one step too far.  They insult me, throw my name under the bus.  They come over to talk with me but they end up talking at me instead.  I can't get a word in edgewise.  I know for a fact that there are some rumors going on about me.  This is how you treat a "lost sheep" I guess.  It's all the more reason not to go back.

This weekend is going to be tough.  We have our big "circuit assembly" coming up.  This is a two-day meeting.  They last pretty much all day on Saturday and Sunday.  It's made up of all the local congregations.  It's a waste of a weekend frankly.  Some have asked me whether or not I'm going and I can only answer "maybe".  If I come flat out and tell them I'm not going to go, that's another thing they will get on me about.  As if they need an excuse.  I'm going to wake up Saturday morning and the first thing I'm going to hear is "Are you coming?"  It's going to be hard to be blunt about it but I don't think I can take another weekend of garbage spouted off as truth. 

I know I previously said I was out of the religion but that's not necessarily true yet.  There's still supposed to be a judicial committee meeting before the official disfellowshipping.  I can guarantee you I won't be there for that. 

I feel alone right now.  I know I'm not but I feel like I'm out on an island.  People can say they understand but can you really?  The weight is pressing down on me unbelievably.  Some people would say "man up".  I wish I could.  I am so stressed about the whole situation that I'm becoming extremely depressed.  If this doesn't turn around fast, this is not going to be good.