Singer Tony Williams once said "I'm the great pretender. Pretending that I'm doing well." Those words pretty much sum it all up for me. To onlookers it might appear like I'm okay but there's a constant battle raging inside me. It's a battle to be happy. Outwardly I try to put on a happy appearance. If only that were really the case. I'm unhappy about a lot of things. I'm unhappy about the double life I lead. I'm unhappy about people I thought I could trust, abusing that trust. I'm unhappy about certain people in my life leading me along and then leaving me stranded and hung out to dry. I'm unhappy about all of the hypocrisy around me. I'm unhappy about being trapped in a situation that no matter which way I go it's probably going to turn out poorly.
Happiness is a funny thing. Just what is happiness? The JW religion would have you believe happiness is living a life according to their way. Yes, some of theme seem genuinely happy but that happiness is only surface level. That happiness is built off of a false premise. They teach that if you live a life according to JW standards you will be rewarded by living in a paradise earth with your own beautiful country home and hanging around with animals that were once vicious but have lost their mean streak. It's a wonderful fantasy, isn't it? That's just what it is, a fantasy. I used to believe that. I believed it with all my heart. I believed that was what the future had in store for me. Unfortunately, like waking from a wonderful dream, all of that is gone. Only a distant memory. The only thing that remains is sadness knowing that your dream wasn't real and that your mind tricked you.
Is something that can be taken away that easily, truly happiness? I don't think so. I believe happiness comes from the people around us, not from any far away promise that will never come. Think back to your fondest memories. That weren't shared alone. They were with other people. You could strive to attain everything in the world, all of the money, fame and fortune. It's all rubbish, unless you have genuine people to enjoy it with. When it comes to finding a suitable mate, what's the biggest concern of a rich man? It usually is "does she love me for who I am, or is it the money she wants". That doubt will always be with him, unless he finds a way to know that the person he's with is genuine.
Yes, happiness is having people around you that will always be there for you. They will be people that are happy to listen to you, happy to help you in any way that you want. They'll laugh with you and cry with you. They won't judge you. They'll never make you feel worthless. Keep in mind that it's also a two-way street. There is more happiness in giving than there is in receiving. You have to be willing to listen. You have to be willing to help others. You can't be judgmental. You have to help bolster other people's self-worth. Only then will genuine people be drawn to you.
That's something the JW's don't offer. They don't offer true friends. Sure, there are good friends among them, but they aren't true friends. They won't want to listen to you, if you try to say something that goes against what they believe. They aren't open to other opinions. Yes, maybe they do help one another. However, as soon as you leave their organization, at that point where you are at your most vulnerable emotionally, you'll never hear from them again. They'll abandon you. That's not what a true friend does. If you aren't doing everything you can in the JW faith, they'll do the best to make sure you know you aren't doing enough. They always look for the faults and as soon as they find them, that's what they dwell on. That's not a true friendship.
So from that we come to love. I'm referring here to both kinds of eros, philos, and agape. For those who don't know these are the three:
Eros - The love of a man and a woman.
Philos - A love based on friendship.
Agape - Unconditional love.
The JW's fail at all of these. Here's why that is the case.
When it comes to romantic interest, JW's are automatically at a disadvantage. There is no dating allowed before a certain age. They recommend you wait until you are no longer young. No dating means no physical relations with another person. And even then it's only between two married people. That desire builds up and especially in the bloom of youth, it causes people to make bad decisions. Since the only way you can be gratified is in marriage, this leads to many younger ones marrying at too early of an age. That in turn leads to unhappy marriages and in the JW world, the only way to obtain a divorce is if adultery is committed. I've seen plenty of young JW couples fail this way. It's a vicious circle.
I already talked enough about love based on friendship but to reiterate, that love just isn't there. The same people that claim they would die for you are the first people to desert you when you no longer believe what they believe. That is truly a tragic and disturbing thing.
JW's would convince you that they demonstrate unconditional love by preaching to people about the upcoming Armageddon. "It's right around the corner," they say. Never mind the fact that they have been saying that for the last 100 years. Let's delve into just what this Armageddon entails according to JW's. Essentially, if you aren't a Jehovah's Witness you are doomed. If you are small child of a non-believer, you are doomed. JW's look forward to this slaughter with delight and joy. They have no problem accepting this and it makes me sick. Why does the slaughter of babies not disturb them? Simple, because these ones are not Jehovah's Witnesses. Would you consider that unconditional love? Where is the compassion? I hate to go back into the disfellowshipping topic again but how can you consider that unconditional love? You simply can't.
In conclusion, the key to happiness is not in material things or fame. True happiness can only be found in love. All three forms of love that I spoke of are important. Everybody needs that special somebody who will stay with them through thick and thin. Everybody needs good friends who love you unconditionally. If anybody tells you that they don't need those things and that they can go it alone, aren't being honest. They've probably been burned by too many people in their life and think that happiness can't be obtained that way. They are mistaken. I'm still searching for happiness. At least now that I'm no longer sucked into the JW trap I know where to look and maybe can find it, with the help of true friends of course.
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